e n n u i

shit.

2006-08-13T12:41:00.000+08:00

I JUST MADE A PRETTY LONG POST AND IT

FUCKING DISAPPEARED. I AM SO PISSED OFF!

why do i even put up with some people?!

grrr!

new post.

2006-07-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

how creative can my title get? :P

this blog won't be updated as much anymore...for my more serious posts go here:

http://diwataako.multiply.com/journal

i will update this when i feel like it. i guess now's a good time. haha.

unfortunately 03/19/06 has ended almost a month ago..due to some communication problems? and lack of effort and enthusiasm on both parts.

but right now i'm really really happy with how things are going. :D steady. although, as usual, my mood swings get in the way. do forgive me. ^^;

so that's it for now.. ehehe..another worthless post. but what the heck? it's my blog anyway :p

rants.rants.rants. what's new?

2006-06-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

happy father's day to everyone. i, on the other hand, didn't quite enjoy father's day. imagine me greeting my dad and then him suddenly saying stuff like

"ayoko na sayo. ang tigas na ng ulo mo. sarili mo nalang lagi mong iniicp."

kamusta naman? salamat sa greeting anak. so much for waking up late. :

napaisip ako kung ano ba tlga purpose ko sa mundong ito. i feel out of place everywhere i go. ano to, identity crisis? hahaha. well not exactly. ewan ko lang. d ko alam kung san ako nababagay. naguguluhan nko. rawr.

bgla naring pumasok sa isip ko na bakit hindi ako tulad ng karamihang babae na marunong magluto... at marunong sumayaw... at magaling manamit... the same old yadda yadda. never ako natuto sumayaw. naalala ko pa nung preschool may hawaiian dance kami nung graduation. goodness. buti nalang naggraduate ako nun na may medal kung hindi tlgang napahiya nako ng tuluyan. di rin ako ung tipong marunong manahi (okay marunong pero hindi ko talaga trip magtahi!) at ewan ko na... di na ata ako makakapag asawa sa lagay na to.

worst case scenario: magkakaasawa ako tapos iiwanan ako dahil di ako marunong magluto o kaya naman magiging matandang dalaga ako. hahaha. kamusta naman. kung ganun lang din e mamatay nalang ako agad.

bakit ba ineexpect ng tao na dapat marunong ako magluto? kaya ko kung gugustuhin ko e..pero d ko interest un.. nagtataka din ako e bakit ang mga interests ko e parang walang kapupuntahang productive..at bakit parang panlalake ung mga interests ko.. feeling ko mali tlga eh..feeling ko XY dapat ung chromosomes ko tapos naalanganin bigla naging XX. o diba. naalala ko ung chicken theory nina ian. x_x baka nung buntis nanay ko eh kain cya ng kain ng chicken kaya ako naging XX imbis na XY. malay mo. hahaha.

so much for ranting. basta bahala na kayo. ganito ako e. wala nakong magagawa. and i'm not going to change for anybody but myself. so un. masaya ako sa kung ano ako. fine, d ako marunong magluto or sumayaw. di rin ako mahilig mag cross stich at kung ano man. i prefer playing video games and playing my guitars. bahala na kayo sa mga buhay niyo. ang kumontra sa interests ko pangit! hahahahaha!

walang kwentang post to! hahaha!

a new post..finally

2006-05-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

wow..i was surprised to see that many people bothered to visit my page while i was away..and yes, i must say that it's really been a long time! well you know me..i don't post much when i'm happy :) (SO WHY AM I POSTING NOW?? hahahaha..)

as you may know i am already (officially, 03.19.06 hahahahahaha) taken :D so to hell with you saosin boy..hahahahahahahhaha

but despite that, and despite a long vacation, i'm currently having a bad time being back in school. i'm just not happy with how things are, especially when i can't be with my college barkada that often anymore. i'm going solo, and i find it pretty hard. i guess it would have been better if i started college alone, because i feel like i've been dependent on my barkada for the past three terms. so i'm learning to be independent--the hard way.

i find myself funny. hahaha. i have these enormous mood swings every now and then. i think i need professional help. XD

gaaah.

2006-02-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

no classes today...so i slept all morning. until around 12, woke up, ate lunch, went online and slept again at around 2.30. woke up at 6:00. hibernation eh? now its 11:46 and i can't sleep. greaat.

i don't want to be like this. i'd rather have classes everyday. i tend to think about a lot of things that i don't want to think about. +_+ being alone sucks like..uh..unwashed socks. (?!)

oh the emoness of it all...

i want to watch memoirs of a geisha tomorrow with my girls. but nooo..my dad won't let me out coz' of the stupid "national state of emergency" stuff. i don't even know what's really going on, but boy, being at home like this sucks. i wanna get out of this place and do something productive.

sitting in front of the computer all day is not my ideal type of fun.

my life sucks. gaaaah. i'd rather be preoccupied with something. i'm feeling very weird today.

oversleeping isn't really good for me.

i won't get to see saosin boy for the whole weekend. tssss.

after a long while...

2006-02-21T22:39:00.000+08:00

finally found the time to blog. pops' major concert is finally over and i can say that it was a success. :) well, not to mention an enjoyable (and stressful) experience, given the bloopers we had backstage and err..upstage on the catwalk. we were assigned to drop the balloons in the end part of the show. and boy, did we look stupid frantically emptying the balloon-filled plastic bags. it was one heck of an experience. can't wait till next year's major concert.. ;) there were these BIG FISHES (literally big!) in meralco theater that we were just fond of. haha. banana and mami kor made my weekend happier :) (and i'm sure mami kor was happier noh? :p)

these past few days i couldn't get my mind off saosin boy, not a single moment. i'd wish that he'd take a break from my mind but he just won't. i keep on seeing this flashback of that time when he looked, almost stared at me, that stupid moment when i couldn't almost move. but i moved, fortunately. thank you body for not giving up on me. crap. when will i finally get to know you? oh crap. look who's infatuated. +_+

i'm happy to say that i've handled stress quite well..i'm still alive thank goodness. but i got sick just last week.

feb 13: my throat burned coz of eating that hello white chocolate wafer bar and not drinking water afterwards : stupida camila!

feb 14: happy valentines day! hello colds, be my valentine. went to piyar's place and to their lola's valentines party. thanks piyar :D

feb 15: still sick...colds colds colds..endless supply of tissue for me!

feb 16: my nose wasn't as runny (i caught up with it..nyeh! :p) ..but i had cough. :

and i still have signs of having colds. coz u know, my voice is different (kinda ngo-ngo) and i can't sing well, not that i sing professionally, but i love to sing when i have nothing to do. so there. karma for all the times i have mocked people for the way they speak. haha. and karma for stealing that hello chocolate wafer from our booth.

i was kinda bitchy last week..sorry for all victimized people.

saosin boooy!!! hahaha. (freak..)

internet service provider?

2006-02-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

i am so fickle. and this means that i always end up eating my words. when i feel that i'm already decided on a certain thing, it usually backfires and once again i doubt. never again will i say that i am already sure. well it's not entirely my fault. you can't ask me to stay decided on a certain thing when the circumstances tell you that it's not the best thing for you.

okay im going to compare this situation to..uhm..

aha..an internet service provider. (forgive the lame comparison i can't think of anything as of now :p) for example, i just signed up to this internet service provider (internet line) and at i'm quite happy with it--sometimes. sometimes the internet's really slow and it tends to piss me off. nagtotopak cya, to cut things straight. well i won't hesitate to have my internet line cut. after all, it's the ISP's loss. there are a lot more other internet service providers, a whole lot. believe me. i can change my mind.

you can't ask me to constantly complain about a certain thing just because i'm already decided on it and i can't change my mind. well guess what? I CAN STILL CHANGE MY MIND. now that it's still early. i don't want to suffer a hell lot and regret in the end. my mind's made up, not about that certain thing, but about letting go if it's the best choice to make. i'm not afraid. try me.

un-idle hands

2006-02-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

my left hand hurts. i stayed in the bandroom today from 1:00 until around 5:00. i practiced the bass almost all afternoon. and i must say i've improved a bit. :p thanks to kuya gerby for being patient with me :D

lately i've been having good times in la salle. (if you know what i mean :P)although i've also been very stressed out lately. my eyebags are getting bigger once again. daaaaamn.

i got my inersci long exam result today. nyehehe. for the first time EVER... (as far as i could remember that is) i got a 50/50 grade! (supposedly my grade's only a 45 but i answered the bonus correctly so i have +5 points..so i got a perfect score. nyehehe!) ohyeah! and to think i went home late the night before. i might be on a lucky streak baby!

*when i see the guy that's been pissing mami kor off, i WILL NOT HESITATE TO CAUSE ANY FORM OF PHYSICAL INJURY TO HIM. I SWEAR.

anyway i'm real sleepy. goodnight. :) i'll be dreaming of my evil attacks on that stupid guy. :) that means i'll be having a goodnight's sleep..sleep tight left hand. don't dismay me. please still be alive when i wake up. hahaha.

"lagi kitang iniisip..yun lang ang tangi kong alam gawin.

basta't nandito ka lamang, yun lang ang aking kailangan.." :)

--tropical depression

oh happy days...:)

2006-02-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

haaapppeeeeeeh..shalalalaaaaa eets so niiice too bee haapeeeeeeeh.. :D

di nako nalilito..nyehehe :D yes na go, go go! :))

i lab dis day :D

my other post disappeared.

2006-02-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

crap. nawawala ung "birthday-deathday" post ko.

birthday panaman ni saosin boy yun! T_T

crap!!! putanginang araw to!

@#%Y@%&

2006-02-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

GIB*&TW*t87wbt*&amp;w9Y(W8W9UW)(*_W(8)&(&(&(7979&(*&*(^8%(g*)tn(yn(ey9Hme(HUSMHVW9M5H39M5U389Y0%b&amp;(%e$%cevot&x#p9n(y#(pynp(x*(#y&*bdcPlke0vu)u)vvyhsy&^*(i&%^()shsijbsgai)s*(s^(*(^(^(^)0707070HNYOBJUM5U6MU9Y&*^(*%r*v)%-BT72NT08yh*)^*%&amp;^B08VY35N-29Y5CM293Y85N2736H902F057T4B78T8%^b(r&rb(^b*(cng *&encuc(ye(cne(hnc*(ye8h&%e&$464B8^(&)^%&^#%^$(t)yn*y*)cnh)&*y#*)7YCNH870NY8t#*(c^#nt#ny*(n#y9y#n(usjijifmoajfioajf()akfa)_lf_a:f+a:+f:a+pf)_aid)a*ynV6438V65927352H98V572Y!@#$%^&amp;*v*t&^#bh)*fn&*yN8T78Y480B6J7G903897G4J9578-34578246GN9Y7638H678TG765f$^$%^%$*br&^*(^h)*&*)&y*)&tbg%&^%^$^dtyfygfuahoiyah*a&^*&a^*a^)a&*a^a*%^a$a%_a*_aya*(ay*&ta^ra^&$a657R97V48269-3B5JU7039782390862G3K6JMUHYTRHY

TJFNPIYT4OY6823FIOE

RHIFHERIFHCITHOWERNVTHIOERNYV

TUIOERYOTVTYMIQWYTVIQ34YVTI4

7T78BT898WJ467

G6YNV578Q3N6Y4380NVG6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blech.

2006-02-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

quotable quote:

"di bale nang tamad, di naman pagod!"

...e bakit pagod parin ako? T_T

im confused.

2006-02-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

nalilito, nahihilo.

inaantok, busog.

gusto ko nito, gusto ko niyan.

pero wala.

wala.

nalilito, napapaisip, nalulungkot, natutuwa.

gusto ko, ayaw ko, pero gusto ko pero ayoko?

gusto ko.

ata.

ay hinde ayaw ko pala.

hinde. gusto ko.

pero hinde ganun ka gusto.

eh?

inde.

gusto ko tlga.

ayaw ko yung nangyari.

pero ok lang?

hinde okay!

okay nga lang e!

..gusto ko parin.

pero ayoko tlga.

kng gusto ko man makukuha ko ba?

hindi naman sa makukuha yan e, ang tanong gusto mo ba?

ayaw ko...hinde gusto ko!

ay..ayaw ko?

gusto ko!!!....????

nahihilo ako!!!

stop confusing me!!!

(you're confusing yourself!)

erotomania?

2006-02-01T18:24:00.001+08:00

just came home from school. i'm okay now. :) sorry for yesterday's ranting... after a long time, i finally had time to hang out in the bandroom, though only a few people were there. i jammed with ky...no match ako! hahaha! sabi nya kyut (maliit) daw mga daliri ko. narealize ko na oo nga no, ang liit ng mga daliri ko. kaya ako nahihirapan gumaling. shiyet.

si ate mimay binulgar sarili niya kanina..secret kc eh, tas aun. kung ano ano sinabi, nabuking tuloy. tawang tawa na ata saknya si ky. wahahahaha!

sabi ni ate mimay mkha daw akong totoy. huwaaaaaaaat?! di naman aaaaah! T_T do i look like a boy?! gaaaaaah. i'm 99% girl at heart! (di ko masasabing 100% kc may pagka-boyish nga naman kc ako...pero di ako butch no!!!)

i bought fatal frame 3 the other day. it was cool but i couldn't play it at night. baka ma-atake ako sa puso. imagine everytime that a ghost would appear, the controller would suddenly vibrate. how the hell am i supposed to concentrate?! besides nobody wants to watch me play, so i'm left alone in the sala, at night, playing fatal frame 3. gawd. i need a playmate. :))

by the waaay..i saw saosin boy today! :D (tska last wednesday, thursday, friday, pati nung monday) haha!..and lucky enough i was wearing my saosin shirt. bwahahaha.

got my introso test results...and i got an okay grade. 98..not bad eh? for someone who only read chapter 1. bwahaha.

btw, if you're wondering why erotomania is the title of the post, think about it...coz' i don't know either. the song's just stuck on my mind. :P

rant.rant.rant.

2006-01-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

putang ina!

...i just had to type that.

why do things suddenly go wrong when you feel that everything's going right?

i am just so pissed of right now.

i'm confused.

or maybe i'm just experiencing another f*cking (make that FUCKING) dose of paranoia?

ayoko na.

pagod nako.

eto na nga ba sinasabi ko eh...

(at sinabi ko sa panglawang notebook ng de.bi.so. na me putanginang nagnakaw at hindi na binalik samin! kung sino ka man mamatay ka na gago ka! saksak mo ung notebook sa baga mo para di ka na makahinga!)

hinde na natapos mga ganitong pangyayari!

paulit ulit nalang.

sawang sawa nako.

sawang sawa pota!

tang ina mo gago!

welcome to intelstar / gee gee at waterina

2006-01-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

it was a fun day today. :) we watched this twinbill presentation by tanghalang pilipino in the ccp. it was welcome to intelstar, back to back with gee gee and waterina. both plays were comedies, but looking closer into the story's plot and setting, relative issues were hidden between the punchlines. in welcome to intelstar, it showed the effect of america's colonization on us. the reality that we are losing our identities as filipinos was shown, including the fact that some people eat, live, breathe and even succumb to the american culture. so much for being americans on the other side of the globe. a friend of mine who's living in the states told me we aren't even considered as asians from where he's studying. we're considered as "pacific islanders". (if you ask me, that sounds way cooler!)

"gee gee at waterina" was about these two gay people, conversing over issues. basically what this play was wanting to share to us was people like them wanting acceptance from others.

my twin and i went to the baywalk after. after we ate, we had fun taking pictures and just laughing our heads off. okaaay..now i have to do my litera shit. till then. haha.

i'm in a bad mood.

2006-01-28T20:41:00.000+08:00

i feel so damn incomplete.

recto, by the way, is a nice place to be...if you have plenty of money--and if you're a guy. the nice shirts are all for guys. greaaaat. we went there again. and i finally was able to buy a joe satriani anthology. yay. but i'm in a damn bad mood right now. maybe because i have my. hahaha. yeah, maybe that's why.

i don't really feel like blogging right now. i just wanted to rant.

monday is such a bitch. we've got a lot of deadlines for projects and we even have quizzes and a long test in sociology. i'm damn tired.

guess i'll have to look at the brighter side of life instead...

i just hope i'd find it.

house of the dead and other timezone shit

2006-01-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

tada! i'm back.

i'm really getting addicted to timezone. i spent more than 500 bucks just this month. it's not a good investment, is it? ...bah, what am i talking about?! it's damn fun! just...very very addictive. and it all started out with that guitar freaks game...and the house of the dead 5.

i've also been spending more money on movies this year. i thought this was supposed to be a new year, a new start. but i start the year by spending all the money i have. now i'm never gonna get a new ipod. waaaaaaa.

my professor in genpsych is a hot rocker model. (bikini model, mind you) goddamnit. she's so perfect. she puts me in one of my "i'm such a loser" moods. typical. i just wish she'd give easy exams. hahaha.

mami kor and i went on an adventure to recto. the adventure started at around 4:15. main mission? safely purchase a saosin shirt in recto and be back before or on 6:00, for mami's jazz rehearsal. so what happened? thinks got pretty f*Cked up. we left all our things in dlsu, except for our id's and our pocket money. it was raining when we rode on an fx...so typically the roads were congested. inside the fx, mami kor and i were talking about our id pictures. mami kor took out hers and said that she looked so weird in hers. i took out my id from my back pocket only to see that it was a TIMEZONE POWERCARD (talk about "when to know when you're a timezone addict"). to clear things out, i grabbed the wrong card. damn! when we reached gil puyat, we went down and rode on the lrt. from doroteo jose we took a long (and wet and muddy) walk from the lrt station to tower recto where we'd be finally getting our shirts. so there, we bought our shirts (and may i just add i got a lovely saosin shirt, the one with the lions and mami got the one like saosin boy's)...but another problem was bugging us. the CAO (cultural arts office) closes at around 6:00...and it was already 6:00 when we left recto. our things were still inside the CAO and all my stuff, including my cellphone was inside my bag. we hurried back to dlsu..and i patiently waited in the south gate for mami kor to check if the CAO was still open. i couldn't possibly get in dlsu with only a timezone card at hand.

fortunately mami kor turned up in the southgate with my lovely bag. yayness.

she was late for jazz and i was exhausted. our pants were muddy and my shoes were wet. so much for our saosin shirts.

so what did i learn?

timezone powercards are not equal to identification cards.

third term?

2006-01-07T19:24:00.000+08:00

well i'm happy to say that i survived the second term. damn intphil and instudi. at least i made it. my f*cking average went down. and YES it is a big deal. i was .06 points away from...disaster. but enough about that.

went home to dapitan this christmas break. it was fun, yeah, but it wasn't like the past years. they have this new place in our province, "gloria de dapitan". i found it kinda like a hybrid of eastwood and star city. but of course, don't expect it to be as grand. aaand..i'm happy to say that i'm slowly letting go of my fear of rides. particularly roller coasters...but you'd have to pay me a million bucks to let me try it. in your dreams. :P i'm starting out with less thrilling rides like the ferris wheel. hey the ferris wheel we had was very VERY fast mind you. and i learned that screaming helped a lot. ^^,

now its the third term...and i guess i'm off with a pretty good start. i'm planning on studying hard now (like i planned since i graduated from gradeschool) but really, i WILL study harder. *hopes she doesn't eat her own words*

i'm planning on buying a new iPod. damn it. imagine if i didn't break mine. i'd shop till i drop instead. daaaaaamn. of all the luck. oh, wait. i don't believe in luck.

ang pagbabalik

2005-12-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

whoa. my blog's practically dead. a lot's been happening. actually i didn't even get to blog anything during the second term. t0 hell with it! now that its over..hmm..let me list down random stuff..can't think of any concrete thing to talk about anyway. :P

kilala ko na si saosin boy! hahaha! found him in friendster..and i'm not connected to him. that's an achievement :P
played the bass during my first ever gig..yeah!
the 2nd term sucks!
been really really wasted lately
two new colors :) ginpomelo and maroon
i'm happy. :)
he's so last summer :))
i love my girls! :)
i'm trying to learn how to play the bass guitar
iwannaknowhowtoplaythedrums!
i have a deviantart account: http://ennuism.deviantart.com/
my iPod got broken. and it can't be fixed anymore! ^*&$##!$^^
i'm starting to get addicted to adobe photoshop
its christmaaaaaaas in a few days! and i'm going home to dapitan! yeah!
i think i'm gonna fail intphil. shet.
dami ngyari..block parties and drinking sessions. wasted nga eh. haha
bsta masaya ako! un un eh! :p

falling into place

2005-09-07T13:31:00.000+08:00

termbreak parin. tatag. bored na bored nako dito sa bahay. wala pa akong pera. pero ok lang kc party sa friday. oohyeah! nako. pag ito naudlot pa magwawala na ako. wahaha.

kahapon dpat punta ako school kaso naudlot din kc hngging 12 lang pla cna piyar. kaya akala ko buong araw nanaman ako sa bahay. pero dumating ang lifesaver kong tita at nagdate kami! nanood kami ng cinderella man..di naman tlga ako mahilig sa boxing eh..pero nung napanood ko, mejo naapreciate ko na ung sport na un. ung story eh parang million dollar baby din, kaso mas nagustuhan ko un kc babae ung bida..parang prom0ting femininity. girl power kumbaga. hahaha.

mejo disturbed ako lately..pero salamat sa mga kaibigan ko nagkaroon ako ng self realization..di ko lang alam kng ano ggwin ko kng wla kayo, kaya sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa inyo. nabaliw baliw na siguro ako kng wala kayo! sensya na sa mga kakulitan ko ah..mga paulit ulit na reklamo ko sa inyo. mga kaartehan ko sa buhay. mga topak ko. salamat sobra. hehe :) mahal na mahal ko kayo! nakk..senti mode..

gusto ko na pumasok. pero di dahil sa subjects. tlgang di ko gs2 un. miss ko lang tlga ibang tao jan. wahaha.

lam mo..narealize ko kya palpak buhay ko eh kulang talaga pananampalataya ko kay Lord. pero kahit papano, ndyan parin cya tinutulungan parin ako. pinapatatag loob ko. kanina nga lang eh nanaginip ako..tinesting ung katibayan ng loob ko. at naprove kong kulang parin tlga. kailangan ko pang maging mas matatag. mahina kasi ako eh..sorry na daw.. sobrang laki ng realization ko tlga..mas mbuti nang mwala ung isang tao kaysa sa lahat ng kaibigan ko :)

special mention ulit..

jose

anna

carlos

piyar (tulad ng sabi mo, instrumento ka ni kuya jess)

peachyboy (sensya na pre..wahaha)

len

jopay

annamayor

majet

neil (aus post mo..nakarelate ako)

tita mel

mama :)

...at lahat lahat ng nagtiis sakin. wehehe. :)

the sun sets and a new day comes

2005-09-01T13:11:00.000+08:00

yesterday was an almost perfect day.

g0t my grades today..yeah. loved my grades. sobrang hassle pla kmha ng course cards..palipat lipat ng classroom tska building. tpos buti sana kng sunod2 eh hinde..magkakaiba ung time..pero oks naman. worth it. haha. cyempre pgtp0s kailangan celebrate agad! :)

nakasalubong ko si saosin boy..nakatingin nga sakin eh..nakikilala na ata ako eh..siguro nga iniisip nun.."aaah eto ung babaeng laging nakatingin sakin".. hahaha.. di ren..d naman ako lagi nakatingin saknya e..minsan lang. haha. msama bang tumingin?! ha?! di ko parin cya kilala.. hahaha.. kaya nga tawag ko nalang saknya saosin boy..kasi may tshirt cyang saosin. haha. labo.

basta un na un. mganda araw ko khapon. at ang msaya pa dun..ok lahat ng grades ko. bad3p lang kc 2 weeks pla wlang pasok..wala akong pera. hahaay. dbale enjoy lang. grabe ngaun palang namimiss ko na mga blockmates ko. hahaha. drama amp.

un lang. msya lang ako khapon. ^^

special mention :

mga prof ko..d ko na bobombahin mga office nyo. salamat. ahihi.

mga ksma ko kahapon..

pops people.

mga babae ko..

saosin boy :) sana makilala na kita. haha.

ride the stallion

2005-08-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

naiirita na tlga ako sa kanta ng hale ah! ilang beses ko narinig ngay0n! sobrang nakakainis na..kahit san ako mgpunta un ata ung pinapatugtog eh..takte..

anyway kahapon, sobrang saya..hahaha..solb kami ni piyar kahit di kami natuloy sa xaymaca. nagself study kami magdrums..astig eh..jamming buong madaling araw..solb tlga kahit kaming dlwa lang. tas mga 5 na kami nakatulog..grbe mga baliw na kami. dadalawa lang kami pero sobrang binagyo kwarto nya..at sobrang ingay. lakas pa ng trip namin sa ym. wahahaha. tas eto..si piyar..di nya lang napapncn pero ung kumot nasakanya na halos hahahaa..late ako nakatulog..d ako makatulog eh..tas si piyar sarap ng tulog parang baby :) awww..hahaha..aun next week nalang daw xaymaca..sana naman mtuloy.

tutugtog pala kami sa debut ni mich..daw..hahaha..bahala na..bsta aral na kami ng mga kanta. first gig? hahaha..astig.

sana ok mga grades ko..un..wala lang. term break na. sawakas. :)

namimiss ko na blockmates ko.. :(

bati : (naks nakikibati na rin)

blockmates miss ko na kayo, ru, carlos (sarap mong asarin grabe kakamiss ka), neil, carmela, kristina, kris&rayms, (pasensya na kayong lahat sakin) PIYAR (wheee..sa uulitin!), mga mgulang ni piyar, salamat po tito tita..very accomodating kay0..hahaha..mga babae ko..mahal ko kayong lahat :)

what's the worst that i can say?

2005-08-26T07:28:00.000+08:00

tapos na finals week namin. salamat naman. ok naman ung poligov test..easier than what i expected pero mahirap parin cya in fairness. sana pasado. naiimagine ko na si sir pedro..hawak ung course card..surprise daw ba ung grade..fine..

nung tuesday jam ulit. aus eh. mas ok tlga sa transound. kaso wla parin kaming matinong nabuo..kaya ngaun bngyan na kami ng aaraling kanta para di naman panay ingay gawin namn. hahaha. bonding kami ni tinee nung hapon eh..ilang oras din kami nagusap. wehehehe.

maui at ru..sorry tlga nung wednesday ah..next tym tlga magtitino nako. hahaha. nakakahiya tlga. lakas tama..sorry na..its been a while..kaya aun whapak! sa susunod mga 2 bote nalang tlga. o kaya 3. pwede ring 4 ulit. or more. grbe wla atang laman tiyan ko nung araw na un. wahahaha. oi at ikaw din piyar. pag inulit natin to sapakan ulit ah. ;) pero ulit raw mamaya eh. yehey. hahaha. wla nako monies. 300 nalang monies ko wla pa akong load! kawawa naman ako. bahala na. kng gusto may paraan!

tuloy ata kami sa xaymaca later. yehey! pgtpos ko magpuyat para sa hinayupak na crithin final requirement, eto na! mageenjoy nalang ako..papakasaya kasi next term patayan na. malupit ung intphil namin..legend raw ung teacher eh. takte. scaywree *tonong maui* :-S

ah sige un nalang siguro sa ngaun. namatay pala tita namin ni jose.. :( please pagdasal niyo cya.. thank you. :)

to be, is all i gotta be..

2005-08-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

ilang araw na akong na-LSS dyan sa kantang yan ng hale. ni hindi ko nga gusto un eh. me isang tao kasing paulit ulit knakanta yan lalo na nung tuesday. hay naku.

masaya naman ang linggo ko..

nung tuesday..nagjamming kami sa megamall. ako, piyar, carmela, kris, raymond, caloy, jus, ru at neil. ewan ko nga bat anglayo eh, pero solb namn kahit mag isa nanaman akong umuwi. dun kami sa perfect pitch..mejo masikip tska d k n3pan ung equipment. mas ok tlga sa transound. hahaha..uuuy jon..haha..aun salamat pla ke jus ah..sarap ng dinner ko nung gabing un :)

nung wednesday..hayun na..last day ng dance namin..nakakalungkot na ewan. pero mas msya kasi wla na kaming paghihirap! yeh! nagmistulang artista si sir ronda nung huli kasi andami nagpapapic saknya..pati ako. wahaha. ngiting ngiti eh..mamimiss kita edong..galing tlga natin sumayaw..last dance na nga natin sumablay pa. wahoo! hahaha =)

thursday..solb kasi nagjamming kami sa bandrum..at sawakas nakabuo kami ng kanta. sori ambabaw ko..hahaha. masaya nako kasi bano ako eh. mr. clay binuo namin..ako sa gitara, si jeion sa bass at si kuya gerby sa drums. yehey. hahaha =) pgtpos nagrecto kami nina peachy at pat.. birthday pala ngaun ni kapatid anton! haha =)

friday..ngaun un! kagagaling ko lang sa rockestra..the manila youth symphony orchestra with imago, silent sanctuary, twisted halo, sandwich, sugarfree and cambio. ksma ko si jon, reg at wewes. ang galing. parang pops cya pero rock lang tugtugan. ang galing ng arrangement lalo na nung sugarfree. nakakapangilabot. haha. tas nung pauwi nako, bwiset ung taxi driver kasi nagrereklamo pa! kasi kng nagtino cya sa pag-aaral e di sana mas maaus trabaho nya..tas ngaun namimili pa ng pasahero. ako pa sinermonan. hay naku. kaya dapat mag aral tayo ng mabuti.. (weh?? labo) nakita ko nga pala si miss lizaso ung chem teacher ko nung 3rd year. astig, nagkita nanaman kami sa tugtugan.

sabaw na utak ko..basta masaya masaya.. masaya linggo ko. un un eh =) neksweek dlwang araw nalang ako papasok..poligov lang me final exam eh dahil ke sir pedro. tas sa monday interview tas group study daw ata tas magjjamming ata ulit sina caloy. ewan. basta papasok ako para me baon. ahihihi. un lang. =)

ung mga naka-bold na pangalan kumumpleto sa linggo ko..either in a bad way or a good way.

cyempre di tlga kumpleto linggo ko kng di dahil sa mga babae ko.. (sagwa pakinggan)

annamayor, piyar, majet, yanna, kor, annabanana

mahal na mahal ko kayo :)

belated happy birthday pala ulit ke kapatid anton. =)

mtv pilipinas 2005

2005-08-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

dahil wla kaming magawa nung dismissal kanina, pmnta kami sa benilde kasi ndun daw mtv. buti pinapasok kami..hahaha. aus naman..orange and lemons, radioactive sag0 project tska kjwan lang naabutan namin. aus naman..sakto lang. medyo nakakaagaw pansin lang ako kanina kasi naka bright green ako. sobrang out of place suot ko. haha. aun..nung pgtpos ng kjwan, wala kaming mgwa ni majet kaya pmnta kami sa backstage. nagpapic kami ke marc abaya. hahaha. lakas trip. pogi naman eh! =p tapos dun sa mtv dj..nakalimutan ko ung pangalan..basta pogi din eh. haha. ganda nga nung pic eh, dikit na dikit mga mkha nila sakin. yak. pawis. hahaha. un lang. nakakatamad magupload ng pics eh..paki-imagine nalang. =)

happy birthday annamayor!

2005-08-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

yey. saya ng araw ni annamayor! hahaha! pti si annabanana..waw hanep. araw ko? so-so. nakabli na ako ng album ng bmr sawakas! oye..ampogi ni papa dino sa cd..kakabakla. haha. hayun..nagpunta kami ni majet sa rob para lang bmli nun. tapos pagbalik namin sa lasalle ubos na ung masarap na caramel cake ni annamayor. x_x waw. takaw kasi ni jose eh. lintik!

nakakainis nga pala ung isang prof namin..d ko na babanggitin kng sino..baka mabasa. haha. napaka antipatika. wala lang. hi prof. mahal kita. yak. nakakasuka. ano ba gnwa namin sau bat ang init ng dugo mo samin? dapat d ka nalang nagturo kng high blood ka.

wala lang. la na ako masabi.

happy birthday to da max annamayor! :D

bow.

they won't hear a sound

2005-08-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

sira ang keyboard ng computer ko ngaun..kaya eto munang notebook ang ginamit ko. walang gunbound, walang adobe, waang winamp at wala mga files ko. in fairness mahirap cyang gamitin. bad3p tlga, ambagal pa. pero ok na to kaysa wala.

nung friday nagrecto kami kaya naka dugyot attire lang ako. shet tlga dahil lalo kaming nagmkhang dugyot pagbalik namin. harassed na harassed na. buti pinapasok pa kami sa school. haha. nga pala 4th place kami sa dance a parable contest. aus. haha.

nagpagupit ako nung sabado..ung iba nahalata, ung iba hinde. pero grabe tatay ko..paguwi ko unang snabi sakin "o akala ko ba nagpagupit ka?". waw. hello din sayo itay.

khapon naman, normal lang na araw. gmwa kami ng clay model ng "the thinker". nyeta. 2.5 lang grade ko. siguro kasi mkhang taong nakaupo lang sakin. dapat daw siguro mkhang nagiisip ung tao. dapat sinamahan ko ng thought bubble un..tpos nung hapon pmnta ako ke anna para gwin ung anthrop paper. 10 na ako umuwi. sarap sa bahay nila, dami pagkain. wahaha.

tripbad nga pala..lumabas na album ng bmr..kaso..wala pa sa tower nung sabado..tapos wala na rin akong pera kasi naubos sa recto! buhay tlga..

knina pmnta ulit ako kina anna, ksma ko si piyar, majet tska si annamayor. kasi wala kaming relsone. kaya aun, dun kami nagpakababoy. hahaha. nag movie marath0n kami..school of rock, wishing stairs tska grudge2. tinulugan ko lang ung school of rock pgtpos ko kumain. buhay baboy tlga e no. minsan lang kc tong wlang gngwa eh. haha. nagising ako nung bandang huli kasi knikilig sina anna dun sa kyut na drummer. na bata. pedophiles tlga..aun..kumain lang kami buong maghapon. walang kwenta tlga ung wishing stairs. baduy. sobra. ang masayang part lang dun e nung sumigaw si piyar. wahahha. tska dun sa the grudge nung napasigaw ako. nagulat lang ako no..pero solid un. hahaha.

wala lang..ok naman buhay..luhod lang pare..hahahaha..gets nyo ba to anna? haha!

the ones we need don't know we're there

2005-07-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

i'm back! hahaha..hmm..what has been happening to me these past few weeks? oh..yeah i got my midterm grades for most of my subjects..they were ok..except for englone. i got a lousy 2.5. miraculously i actually got a 3.0 for relsone! hahaha! cool!

kor and jose told me i was getting fatter..well, a bit. yayness! haha! i've been trying to gain weight for the past few weeks..and unfortunately getting my wallet lighter in the process. i'm broke. dang.

harry potter and the half-blood prince is out! i just finished reading it yesterday..i didn't quite like it. the pacing was too fast and nothing much happened. the ending wasn't a happy one and we were left hanging. that sucks.

[plug]

The DLSU Pops Orchestra will be having a concert

entitled "Spotlight : The Repeat"

this Wednesday, July 27

from 1:00 - 2:30

in the DLSU Teresa Yuchengco Theatre.

The tickets are priced at P75.00 only.

Message me in ym if you're interested. =)

---

i just listened to their cover of "stairway to heaven" and i found it really good. one of the best covers i've heard so far. our station id is also out. the concept, the execution and everything else was perfect. plus, i was in it! haha!

no classes on monday! yay! hahaha..due to the S.O.N.A. [no not the steam room]. we had our poligov discussion-slash-midterm exam this morning. i'm really finding it hard to think straight nowadays. wonder why. tsk tsk.

eeeh..i have nothing to say na. i'm tired. been out all day..and it's a saturday, so i better get some rest..or play gunbound. hahaha.

[plug]

Support Brownman Revival!

MYX (space) VOTE (space) MALING AKALA and send to 2366

Tune in to MYX Live on Wednesday, July 27, 9:30 pm

Brownman Revival back to back with Orange and Lemons

---

the nobody speaks

2005-07-02T22:10:00.000+08:00

i'm such a lazy bum. i was too happy to remember my blog. hahaha. hmmm..what happened to me during these past few days? well one thing i can say is that i really enjoy being in pops. we had our kapatiran last june 24. it was really one heck of an experience. i can't wait for next year's kapatiran. >:) i've been hanging out in the bandroom more frequently. the only problem i have is that it's really far from my ride so i have to walk all the way there. it sucks commuting home alone especially when it's already dark. >_<

next week is officially midterms week..and yet i wonder why i'm not studying for anything yet. we weren't informed of our schedule so i really don't know if we still have midterms next week. i don't think so. no teacher would be cruel enough to give midterm exams without announcing it at least a week before.

hs club fair yesterday. st. scho's security sucks. gawd. it took us forever to get in the school. i mean, we already have an alumni card, but its plainly of NO USE. they won't f*ckin let us in! it's not like we're criminals you know..just because we're not paying anymore doesn't mean they can treat us like this. we're graduates. we're like royalty ya know. haha. so what did AnnaMayor and i do so we could get in? we said we're heading to the library. and you know what they did? the guard friggin' stalked us! he followed us until we entered the building where the library was located. then we planned our escape. hahaha. we finally reached the highschool building and got the stupid guard off our backs. i just don't understand why they won't let us in. we just miss our high school. =( mean people.

brownman revival is actually in myx live. their performance will be aired on july 27, wednesday at 9:00 pm, back to back with orange and lemons. their video "maling akala" (covered from eheads) was just released yesterday. still haven't caught a glimpse of the video featuring jopay, patrick and his brother, mark. hahaha. yeah, special mention. =p

shifitee was a guest dj for 99.5 RT yesterday. proud of ya shif. i was listening to the station..and immediately recognized his laugh. hahaha. at one portion, they were talking about who would win the ateneo-lasalle legends game. a lot voted for ateneo..

..but dlsu won the legends and all star game against admu this afternoon. yeah! animo!

i guess that's it for now..i'm to tired and sleepy to think more. i'll update again..eventually..when i feel like it.

i'll love all the hurt away

2005-06-12T15:27:00.000+08:00

i haven't been posting in a loong tym. anyway..a lot has been happening. went to csb's frosh solidarity night thing [what was i doing there??] hahaha..kjwan and orange and lemons played for us. oleg invited me, so i went. and it was worth it man! [fishing tym...] and i'm just so damn tired to upload the pics so just visit em' at my photo album.

http://www.photobucket.com/albums/y241/campupot

there. look at picture 7's background. hahaha. niiice.

anyway..i made it! im officially a member of the dlsu pops orchestra! pero marketing lang..i need training. hopefully i'll get training for violin. it's been such a long tym since i've played...about 7 years i think? hahaha. aun..can't say anythin' more.

i'm happy.

[weh, di nga?!]

hahahaha!

basic scales

2005-06-06T20:58:00.000+08:00

major

minor

blues

major pentatonic

minor pentatonic

here are the basic scales. haha. idunnowhy but i just placed em here. enjoy. =p

okay. we're gettin' totally busy in school. our anthrop teacher apparently gave us homework which she didn't even check out first. that just sucks. anyway, i felt like this day was such a long one. but it was fun. the only subject where we had lecture was englone. we just laughed through crithin and watched a movie in artapre. that's about it. i wanna play tekken 5 again. snap and play! snap and play! okaaay..i'm getting all paranoid. hahaha. anyway, gotta do my anthrop homework na..

first week funk?

2005-05-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

hahaha. i haven't posted in a long tym. anyway the first week was okay. my blockmates are sooo cool. hahaha. anyway, we have this terror teacher in dance (sounds ridiculous?? it's true man. not funny. not funny at all.) anyway, parokya ni edgar went to school last wednesday for this first day funk thing (lol. it wasn't even the first day anymore.) so that's about it. i just don't feel like going to school yet. my mind's still set on summer mode.

i went to saguijo last saturday for jr. kilat's gig. unfortunately, i only got to see 2 songs. dang. but on the brighter side, they were ayos..sobra. magaling sila mag-live. plus, even though saguijo was cramped up, i was like just a meter away from the band. hahaha.

i can't say anything anymore..just that it's so tiring to wake up real early. i guess i'll have to get used to this. good thing i have something (or someone? hmm..) to look forward everyday. hahaha.

freedom bar - xaymaca

2005-05-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

here are some pics..imagine, bumigay ung battery ng digicam ko..d ko na kasi nacharge eh! kaya di ako nakakuha ng mramiraming shots ng bmr...buti nalang nakahanap kami ni patrick ng batteries..haha...as usual, sabog itsura ko. pansinin niyo, preho sa pic namin ni rico at ni dino..sabog tlga. anyway, hover your mouse over the pics to see the captions. :)

how to escape a burning building

2005-05-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

nice title huh? yeah. don't steal it. i'm gonna try to make a song out of it. =p hahaha. we had our LPEP today. super fun! i really like my blockmates. they're so happy. hahaha! my feet hurt! we walked all the way around the campus. and i'm so tired and sleepy. but i don't feel like sleeping yet. the night's still young! hahaha! we're going to have the college convocation tomorrow. i'm finally gonna get to wear my new shoes! hahaha! and we really enjoyed it. even if we went home all tired, sweaty and sleepy. okay. now i really sound perky. hahaha! this just may be the rain i need in the midst of a heat wave.

i just loved this day.

let go.

forget.

live.

kabaliwan

2005-05-18T21:47:00.000+08:00

wahaha..eto special post. magtatagalog ako. nekene! nakakawalang gana. parang gusto ko tuloy magpasukan na. ewan ko ba ano na gagawin ko sa buhay ko. basta ayoko na maging malungkot! wala akong mapapala. ayoko na rin mag-isip. bakit? kasi eto ah..pag nagiisip ka, mas marami ka pang ibang bagay na maiisip [pagpalagay natin na "branching" ang tawag dito] pagkatapos di mo masolusyunan mga bagay na un. wala sa mga kamay mo ang kasagutan at lalo kang mababaliw kaiisip na di mo talaga kayang baguhin yon. aus dba? kaya okay nang wala akong isipin eh. dba? *apir*

buraot tlga mga panaginip ko. laking katatawanan. isipin mong sa panaginip ko mahal niya pa ko? hala! easy!

tawa nalang. para masaya. dba? hahaha. eto napapala ko e, basta basta kasi nadadapa eh. di tumitingin sa dinadaanan. tanga kasi e no. wahahaha. ano ba yan walang online. di ko mashare kabaliwan ko. kaya eto, mistulang kinakausap ko nanamn sarili ko.

LPEP na namin bukas. maaga akong magigising. naman kasi, whole day banaman! tapos pasukan na sa monday. oks na un. kakayanin. hahaha. imagine, sa lahat lahat ng araw na 7:00 ng umaga pasukan ko, tumapat na monday pa! humihilik pa utak ko mga ganung oras no! e wala na akong magagawa. ganyan tlga. tapos nahiwalay pa ako sa block ko. iba section sa english. tawa nalang ulit. hahaha.

papakasaya na ako sa buhay ko. tignan ko naman mga magandang bahagi ng buhay ko dba. nakk. teka..asan na ung magandang bahagi? wahahaha. tama na emo. tawa nalang. hahaha.

di ko rin naman kasi masasabing di ko na siya mahal e. puta, kung nababasa mo man to, ano laki ulo ka nanaman? oo na, kung ano man yang iniisip mo. punyeta kasi e, bat ba ako pinagtulakan e. kung di naman kasi ako pinilit sa kanya, di rin ako matutuluyan e. tssss. bwiset.

basta, magmula ngayon, mabubuhay na ako para sa sarili ko. nukk..hahaha. sakit na ng ulo ko. tama na muna. umiikot na paningin ko. tawa nalang ulit? hahaha.

let it all collide

2005-05-11T11:44:00.000+08:00

think of my situation. i mean, aside from the burning heat of summer, our water pump gave up on us [so technically there has been no water for 3 days now and i have to take a bath at our neighbor's house] plus the playstation isn't working again and i have colds, cough, my head aches and i have body pain. i have only a few days left before our orientation and classes begin and still i find myself perfectly sane to the situation. hahaha! i'll be meeting rizza in about an hour. we're going back to school for her medical exam and picture taking and then..i think we'll be watching a movie. theres this gig later in saguijo..hale and mayonaisse. but unfortunately, since i am sick, i won't be able to go. so damn sad. and i wanted to meet the vocalist of hale! hahaha! oh well...

yellow light has turned red

2005-05-06T19:15:00.000+08:00

this day is such a fuckin' hot day. literally. i woke up real early for my enrollment. and i am officially in college. hahaha. even got my schedule already.

treated myself in the afternoon. bought myself anything i wanted..which was a grande strawberry and cream drink from starbucks and a chocolate eclair. yummm. just wanted to thank myself for all that i've done. for being there when he needed me and all that shit. yeah. thank you cam for the unconditional love. weird no? well i guess now that it's over i can finally do something for myself for a change. so i can feel where all my efforts are all going. it's hard loving someone who has no need for you. so hard loving someone who can't feel any single bit of your pain and effort. hahaha.

i found out being by yourself can be actually fun. went to starbucks alone and conversed with my mind. doodled on the piece of table napkin. reggae. strawberries and cream. chocolate eclair. air-conditioned place...and the wonderful ambiance. felt so relaxed. damn that was good. you've gotta look at the bright side of life every once in a while.

starting my life over...it's kinda like that. after all, i already am an incoming frosh. it's nice to draw something on a new canvas.

traffic on emotional highway.

2005-05-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

what a fucked up day. everyone's got fuckin' problems. it's like if we talked to each other about our problems, we'd have a major collision. traffic on emotional highway. damn it. did it again. made a total and complete fool of myself. i am so damn indecisive. i just couldn't keep my mind shut tight. one second, i was numb..the next thing i knew i was near to tears. when will i ever stop making a fool of myself? i guess never. coz' that's what i'm good at. i fuckin' hate myself. couldn't we just be happy all the time? smiles that never fade...trees that never die. that would be nice. but wake up, the world's not nice. it's a fuckin' asshole. i've gotta learn to be selfish once in a while. but i just fuckin can't. one minute i'm cold..the next thing you know i'm being nice, trying to cover up what my conscience tells me is just plain mean. am i too nice? or is that just the way i see myself?

think about yourself cam.

don't leave yourself burning.

i would still die for you

2005-05-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

here's a few lines from my friend peachyboy..

Tinapos ako ng maptunayan ko ang isang matinde tindeng balita. Solb solb ako e. mas talo pa kase wala akong karapatan kaya wala akong magawa dahil wala naman akong dapat gawen. Ang pak u ng pakiramdam.nde ko gusto. Ayaw ko nito imbis na walang problema isang sayad lng sa isipan lungkt agad e.tangina bulok!ang hirap pa lalo mag kunware na wala lang. Tulong mga kaibgian medyo nahihirapan. baguhan lng sa ganito e. Tangina ang bakla ko. Matatapos din to.Tiis nalang. Wala nmng ibang mggwa eh.Sensya sa abala. Maraming Salamat sa mga kaibigan ko at kay cam.

-life is peachy

frustration can be gorgeous..

2005-05-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

who said angst wouldn't do you any good?

boredome + ennui = edited pictures!

hahaha! it's about time i got my mind off stupid things and start making productive ones instead.

the original picture was from my cousin's cellphone.

edited the face and background using the chrome option then added the weed-like paint on the sides using preset paintbrushes.

this is my favorite so far.

used the glowing edges option on the background then i forgot what i did. haha.

all i could remember was choosing a certain setting which turned the whole thing black and white.

this is hilarious! inspired from tinee..haha! didn't really edit it properly. i was only supposed to try it. but it turned out okay. applied soft edge on my three faces and the watercolor effect on the sunset background arvin sent me. thanks for that. very lovely. then just added the lyrics [which i had a hard time thinking of]. tadaa. my own telenovela. although i look totally ridiculous.

another one of my better works. this is for peachyboy...he asked me to edit his pictures and turn it black and white and place a caption..turned out better than i expected. used glowing edges, colorization then invert colors on peachy and the tree [same tree from the sunset pic arvin sent me. i'm in love with..it].

i thought i was okay..

2005-04-29T23:02:00.000+08:00

i'm not. shouldn't have watched that last episode of fullhouse. damn it. and i thought i was okay. the green eyed monster suddenly appeared. dang..can't believe it. i kept fooling the world that i was fine. but i'm not. :( i really am not. :(

he's giving up on me..

2005-04-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

i used to make the light shine for you,

the sun has left my sky.

velvet walls surround my sorrows,

i've sacrificed my pride.

giving up on me,

you're giving up on me

giving up on me,

you're giving up on me.

i've laid myself to sleep tonight

i know you've played out everything in your mind.

and now you throw it all away,

a shattered memory that you would stay.

through thick and thin with me,

you're giving up on me.

giving up on me,

you're giving up on me

giving up on me,

you're giving up on me.

i lied myself to sleep tonight

i know, you've played out every line in your mind

and now you throw it all away

a shattered memory that you would stay

through thick and thin with me.

and when you feel the pain,

i'm wishing i could stay.

how can I say I love you back,

you never made me happy.

you've laid yourself to sleep!

i never said this wouldn't hurt.

you gave up everything!

~~i never said i'd give it back.~~

i know! (i know!)

~~you'll never change!~~

i won't be good enough for you.

i know! (I know!)

you'll make it through,

i'll never be around to see.

and now you throw it all away

a shattered memory that you would stay

through thick and thin with me.

you're giving up on me.

why is it always me that's left to burn? and i'll never learn..

2005-04-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

here i go again..

i hate myself. how come i can't handle things properly? it's always me left to cry in the end anyway. it's always been me. what? is this my destiny? some destiny. what kind of person am i..i'm starting to get a feeling that no-one could stand me. some person. some life. it's ending all over again..i'm not sure, but that's how i feel. i feel so worthless. i know why i can't control myself into doing sensible things. i'm WEAK. my total being is weak. and i know what to do, but i can't. why couldn't i? i hate myself..i wish i was a little bit more inconsiderate, a little bit more selfish. but i can't. i want to try but i'm so damn scared of hurting someone else that it becomes self-infliction. i wish i was braver... i want to be numb. no pain. no self-infliction. no nadda. but everything i wish i'd become would turn me into a completely different person. i guess i'm stuck like this for life. but of course it wouldn't hurt trying..again and again. till i'm too weak to try some more. but right now, i'd want to change a few things. if i can. if i'm not weak enough anymore.

south of heaven

2005-04-21T20:27:00.000+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

how could i forget?

2005-04-14T22:57:00.000+08:00

(left to right) japs, jopo, mark, wong, karen, me, rico and mike

(hahaha close kaming lahat)

here's another pic of our rivermaya encounter. i wasn't able to mention it in my last post but...

bunches of thanks to karen!!!! aaaaaaah!!! hahaha! :) (hey i mean it!)

i'll never know that i'm just dreaming..

2005-04-12T12:35:00.000+08:00

this photograph is proof

we actually got to meet rivermaya. but unfortunately, we only got to see the last two songs of their live performance for rx. damn murphy's law. hahaha. the show started when trick, carl and i were in the bus. yeah, that was pretty annoying, especially when there was heavy traffic. we finally reached megamall but we didn't even know where the rx place was! so we walked. and searched. and after many grueling minutes we finally found it. o yeah. so we listened to their last two songs and got pictures and autographs. their performance went well..[except for the drums..they sounded like tin cans].. and i even got a picture with rico! [yes, that's his hand on my shoulder =p] and the dj in the station mistook me for that girl in the coke commercial. i don't look anything like her! o_O hahaha..so we left after that, tired and thirsty and hungry. we dropped by mcdo and ate. and then we finally headed home. what a night!

what can compare to the sunrises and sunsets?

2005-04-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

these are some of my pics during my stay in baguio..click to enlarge and hover your mouse over the pic to see the captions and descriptions..:)

man do i miss baguio..too bad we could only stay there for a short time. but it was fun while it lasted. :) we met this reggae band..they're cool. hope we could see them play here in manila. i miss the temperature in baguio, though it wasn't that cold (i quote) because it's summer. i also miss havin' no grownups around. yup, went there by ourselves..and what do you know? we actually survived. hahaha. i'm definitely going back to baguio next tym. :)

i need the beach and it needs me.

2005-03-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

me in bora! :)

okay fine..it's not really a pic of me in bora. i took that shot in my parents' bedroom and edited it with jasc paint shop pro. hahaha. it's so obvious that i'm bored and i don't have anything better to do. at least i'm leaving for baguio tomorrow. :D i hope we'll have fun..i'm going with jim, rayna, rizza, nicole and zappers. yeah! we're gonna stay at jim's house in baguio. but i still want to go to boracay. nainggit ako sa mga pinagkukuwento ng mga tao. hmp. i hope it's cooler in baguio than it is here. all this sweating isn't helping me gain weight. hahaha. oh well. havta go now..i need to wake up early. but i still wanna go to bora. :'(

pic : facade

2005-03-29T18:35:00.000+08:00

a great shot of the..(what's this building called again?)

i took this pic for our media ed brochure..

i am going to miss st. scho. a lot.

pic : witnesses

2005-03-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

3a...witnesses of the best year of my highschool life.

pic : 'da albularyos

2005-03-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

4h's very own 'da albularyos. bounce.

reg, me, gina and apol. oye. \mm/

letting go...like plunging myself into nothingness..and deeper i fall...

2005-03-18T21:50:00.000+08:00

it's graduation day tomorrow. and i don't want to cry. i don't want to say goodbye. i would just have to forget the fact that i won't see my other friends anymore for the rest of my life. i would just have to fool myself into thinking that they'd all still remember me. i just would have to think that they'd still contact me even if they already met new friends. i would have to erase all the wonderful memories we had so i won't miss them. coz' missing them hurts and i don't want pain. i would have to blind myself from the truth and close my eyes to keep my tears from falling.

but fooling myself won't lead me anywhere.

batchmates..thank you for everything. thank you for being there. you have seen me grow...some even from the time i would cry because i was too lazy and incompetent to copy notes from the blackboard until my frequent escapes from late slips. i'd cherish all the memories we had...and for surviving through the flaming needles and the fiery abyss of academics. i'm so proud of you. goodluck with your lives...and i won't ever ever forget you.

i'd choose not to cry, but then again, it's worth it.

damn you all..don't go. stay.

letting go hurts.

but then we all have to let go...

who knows

maybe

in time

you'd all come back.

please...

come back.

you're all that i've got.

2005-02-18T10:37:00.000+08:00

so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me

off guard, red handed

now i'm far from lonely

asleep i still see you lying next to me

so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me i..

i need something else

would someone please just give me

hit me, knock me outand let me go back to sleep

i can laugh

all i want inside i still am empty

so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me i...

i'll be just fine

pretending i'm not

i'm far from lonely

and it's all that i've got

i'll be just fine

pretending i'm not

i'm far from lonely

and it's all that i've got

i guess, i remember every glance you shot me

un-harmed, i'm losing weight and some body heat

i squoze so hard

i stopped your heart from beating

so deep that i didn't even scream fuck me, i..

yeah, it's all that i've got

it's all that i've got

it's all that i've got!

so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me

so deep that i didn't even scream fuck . . .

i'll be just fine

pretending i'm not

i'm far from lonely

and it's all that i've got

i'll be just fine

pretending i'm not

i'm far from lonely

and it's all that i've got

yeah, it's all that i've got

things just aren't the way they used to be..

2005-02-06T13:24:00.000+08:00

is it my fault? i'm sorry..we could've still been what we used to be..if i hadn't carelessly gone beyond what was expected. i don't know if it's me to blame or if it's you to blame..you've changed too. i try so hard to see the same person i used to talk to..but i just can't see the old you. if i could just turn back time, i'd force myself not to go overboard. what we had? it wasn't much. but i was happy i met you. i know i'm not such a big deal in your life..bakit, sino ba naman ako sa buhay mo? wala lang naman..but i just want you to know that i'm thankful that at one point of my life, i met a friend like you. i know that one day, you'd just wake up and forget that i even existed. but i'd never forget you, friend. i know you're fed up with my constant emotional whining. i'm sorry for everything. hope you're happy with your life.

i wish things could still go back the way they used to be..

but we all know not all wishes come true.

sometimes, we just really have to let go.

the motivation for my existence...

2005-01-31T21:09:00.000+08:00

i feel so damn tired. we have curtain call rehearsals up to 7 in the evening from mondays to thursdays. we also have friday and saturday (emphasis on the saturday) rehearsals. plus the normal senior student workload. who wouldn't go crazy?! still i ponder on the real reason behind my existence. (probably because i've been spending a lot of time reading veronika decides to die by paulo coelho) what if you never came? i would have completely lost interest in my studies and in the production. i would never find reason to finish the day and go home. i would never find the reason to wake up in the morning. there's something about you that just keeps me alive. from my death begins new life. you. the author of my resurrection.

the whole world could fall on me, but as long as you're there, damn the world.

i could live forever.

against all odds

2005-01-25T13:03:00.000+08:00

things aren't going as smoothly as i expect them to be. the flow's just against me. it seems that the world is against us. why? can't we have just a bit of happiness? i'm about to go berserk. i'm so tired of school. i'm so tired of everything going against me. i am human. i make mistakes. so would the world just give me some slack? haaaaay nakoooo. basta, i'll get through this hell. and when i'm out, we'll see who's laughing world.

and you, oo ikaw. i miss you. :(

will i be overshadowed forever?

2004-12-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual,
gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to
know quite what to think of you because you
camouflage your emotions so incredibly well,
almost as well as your thoughts. You are
unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what
your going to do or what your capable of and
you've made sure they never will. You are quite
the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind
and very intelligent person. You are capable of
love but unless you let some light into your
shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your
relationships. People are a mystery only
because they all seem too superficial, you
would rather be somewhere else, away from all
the noise perhaps putting your feelings into a
form of art, maybe writing your feelings into a
poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture.
The shadows make you feel comfortable and you
don't like to step outside your comfort zone or
let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies
you. You are truly a mystery.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

it's different. (in tagalog : iba na to!)

2004-12-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

pogi no?

the human mind is a wonder. mine is a disaster.

2004-12-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

i am tortured. anytime now i might drop dead. we had 3 longtests today. math, physics and pani. and what the hell do i know about physics?! my grade might end up like the airplane crashing into the world trade center. (i hate the longtest.) equilibrium, collisions, what the fuck are those?! (collisions usually start when your parents see your card grade in physics..oh..right..) at least the pani test was okay..i didn't read anything except for some of my classmates' notes. (which by the way is hard to understand.) oh yeah..and the speechfest will push through tomorrow. the speech must be memorized. and now i regret not doing anything during the long weekend. it's hard avoiding to be a bum when it's raining outside and your butt's stuck on the sofa. harharhar. if i run out of words to say tomorrow i'll sing to the audience. that way they'll leave. or give me first place just to make me stop. XD harharhar. on wednesday is our first interclass debate. and i don't know the inconsiderate person who assigned me to debate on wednesday when tomorrow i have the speechfest plus i'm directing this year's major production. whoever you are, damn you.

vivid memories on a piece of scratch paper.

2004-11-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

i was looking for a clean sheet of paper when i found this on my 1/2 lengthwise pad. i can't recall exactly when i wrote this. here it is.

don't let your skin bleed

let reality take you deeper

where you began your rebirth

you ended up giving me your wounds

immobile

staring at the fragile pieces of the past

suicide immortalized

pain impersonated

in your ecstatic torment

taste the angst

of haunting memories

stabbing you from behind

the orchestra plays

your soul wanders

your body curled up and numb

after shedding a thousand tears, the sun rises and embraces me.

2004-11-26T20:32:00.000+08:00

the reason why i haven't been posting for quite a while is that i find myself so happy. no, i haven't taken any drugs, but it's quite similar to that. i just have to enjoy this till it lasts. the important thing is that i'm not torturing myself anymore. this feels so damn good. and all this time i've been hurting myself for nothing. how pathetic.

i'm smiling...after drowning in my tears.

i'm sorry for my imperfections..may i die for you instead? not.

2004-11-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

yesterday and the day before

yes, i know. i am imperfect. so deal with it. you're stabbing me so hard, don't think i don't notice it. i get the picture okay? i'm not numb. unlike some people. i hate the world. i hate confusion. i hate you. (you know who you are and if you don't, tamaan ka sana ng kidlat.) it's complicated enough to be living in a world with many open doors. music is my only salvation. hahaha. i guess this is it. the beginning of my surrender. i'm backing out on all wars, i'm not going to die..well..not this time. and definitely not for this pathetic reason. and i'm sorry for acting cold. that's how i feel. i'm afraid i can't show what isn't real. (why the hell does it rhyme?!)

today

it's a long day..but i feel great. i'm finally on my way through my surrender. it takes understanding and a hoarde of pride to get this done with. but i'm going to do it anyway. looks like i won't be dying after all. tough luck. i will know that i am done with it when the anger is truly gone.. okay. it doesn't make sense to you does it?
*change topic*

we watched a movie about jackson pollock, an abstract painter. it inspired me today..his artistic style is one of my favorites. and the splashes of the paint remind me about how life is so unpredictable. and to think he discovered his style by accident. i hope wonderful accidents happen to me. but so far all i had was a black and blue heart.

this won't make sense. don't bother to read.

2004-11-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i even fell for a single drop of rain that fell from the sky. i don't know why i keep hurting myself believing in something non-existent. i am confused..delirious. i don't know what to do, but still i long for that something to pass my way when i know it surely won't. i can't keep on hanging on the edge forever. one day i'm going to let go, and just forget that i ever existed. i'm sorry i can't be everything you could ever want. so just step on my hand and let me fall to my death.

wind blows through your hair and still you don't notice.

2004-11-12T19:56:00.000+08:00

intrams again today..it was tiring. we were the champions! yay! seniors! hahaha..i went home early today. (himala!) i took a nap in our tambayan kanina. but some insensitive people kept moving a lot so i couldn't sleep well. i didn't eat in mcdo today..tambay lang. hehehe. i got the pics from gcel today..hahaha. i also brought my digicam today..picture picture! hahaha..it never ends. my cam ran out of battery. that's how picture-crazy we are. :p photo-editing computer softwares rock! hahaha! anything is possible with these programs.. ;) kitchie nadal's song, wag na wag mong sasabihin is now stuck on my head for the third consecutive day. it's weekend once again. hurrah!

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

--Isaac Asimov

butch-soccer player mode

(hahaha!)

i wonder..if i died in my sleep..would you care?

2004-11-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

i was too lazy to post yesterday. hahaha. hmmm..i ate in mcdonalds today for the third consecutive day..and im still not getting any fatter. hmph. okay lang. love ko parin mcdo! hahaha. it was our intramurals today..it was boring. the rain poured in the middle of the juniors' performance. and rain or shine, the seniors rocked. hahaha. jopo was so pretty and sexy! grabe! [butch mode alert!] wahahaha! tapos after nun bumalik rin cya sa pagkabading nya. hahaha. it was so tiring..i played badminton..and we had picture taking again. (picture picture!) i wonder if i'll be able to pass as a model. hahaha. as if. my arm hurts. i don't know why. and it's not because of badminton..it's my left arm that's sore. darn. and my shoes are all muddy..and also my pants. they were too long and i kept on stepping on them. stupid rain..hahaha. i have nothing to do today..so i went and checked out melai and aphro's blogs..they're cool. hahaha. check them out too. :p

I am Indie Girl
Click on the picture below to read more:

Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

tomorrow i'd be happy. when will tomorrow be today?

2004-11-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

i'm so exhausted. we had shortened periods today..i passed my lit perio(yeah)! we had a lot of free time so we played..patintero, ubusang lahi and that caterpillar game. i also played badminton. one day i would look back to my past when i used to run in my st. scho uniform with my blouse all messed up. hahaha. i can't believe i'm gonna be in college next schoolyear. hahaha. so anyway we had our intrams practice..we just sat behind the sophies. they were boring. they weren't any rule-breakers, so we didn't have id's to confiscate. darn. >:( rayna and i went to mcdo after dismissal..that's about it. at least i got my head off some things even for a while..hindi ren. : by the way, happy birthday jed! :p this was such a long day. nobody's online. darn it. i don't feel like doing anything. i got some of my pics from gcel. hahaha. i think i pissed her off..peace tayo! hahaha! lab naman kita eh! i guess that's about it..this day ends right where i started--ennui.

i cover my stab with memories of your smile.

2004-11-08T20:20:00.000+08:00

today's such a tiring day. i had fun with gcel's emo glasses..picture picture! hahaha! we spent the rest of physics time taking pictures..me and piggy..how vain. hahaha. we only had speech and physics but we didnt have the rest of the afternooon off. we had our practice for the intrams. i'm part of the safecdcom (safety, cleanliness and discipline commitee---yeah, better believe it) but i wasnt doing my job..hahaha..i sneaked up to the gym and played basketball--even if i wasnt any good. i spent most of my time chasing the ball. it wont go in the ring damn it. hahaha. pati banaman sa basketball sawi ako. hanep. i was so tired. at least i got to do and think about something else. im such a lazy kid. im even too lazy to explore my newly installed jasc photo shop ver.8 (nakk!). bwahahaha. i finally have it!

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

i kept you burning by dying for you.

2004-11-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

i was in the state of ennui again. for the nth time. well, thus the name "perpetual revolution". it doesnt stop. i dont even know how to stop it. im trapped in the spiral. it just feels so damn heavy, i want it to get off me but it just wouldnt. life is unfair. *sigh* i couldnt sleep last night. damn. i couldnt even remember what time i fell asleep. whats worse is that they woke me up early today. we had a lunch out at eastwood. thats about it. now im back at home. i missed my pc. hahaha. *sigh*

i died.

now im just waiting for the wind to take my scars.

2004-11-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

we went to star city today. hahaha. it was okay. my bro and cuzin arrived today from our province. my room is invaded. *sigh* oh well..i dont care. let them suffer from the noise. hahaha. anyway, back to star citeh. i am totally scared of roller coasters or any ride that makes my stomach all tickly and..augh. i hate that feeling. i rode only 2 rides..hahahaha..chicken chicken. :P well i cant help it. its my ultimate fear. hahaha. there's this event at rockwell tent today. im supposed to be there..bamboo and sugarfree are playing tonight. X( oh well..next tym..

no matter how much you step on me, i'll take you far away.

2004-11-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

i want these shoes. *drool*

we must live the life we chose and let our scars bleed from the inside.

2004-11-06T14:06:00.000+08:00

wow. i actually have a blog..i dont know how long i can mantain this. oh well, at least i have something to do when im bored. i feel bangag. hahaha. i woke up late..again. we were supposed to have a workshop for curtain call. i dont even know if it will push through today. i dont care anyway. they just announced it yesterday and they expect me to be there. i dont even know the details. let them wait. >:p im not going. hahaha. i just discovered i dont like capital letters. i like it better typing in lowercase. wla lang. haaay..boredom.